Not a Spice Girl

Dear Old Spice,

Thank GOD you finally made a men’s body wash that doubles as a shampoo. God knows, they don’t have it easy when it comes to grooming. Changing a tie to make your outfit appear different from yesterday's is balls-hard. So is not wearing pantyhose or high heels, not tweezing, shaving, plucking, and/or waxing bits of you that never see the light of day. Not ever having to give birth or bleed monthly? Well, that’s just a huge cross to bear. And it is pretty much universally acknowledged that hunting is way more difficult than gathering.

I wonder that this latest concoction cannot double (nay, triple) as a toothpaste? It is tough to make ends meet when you make more money than women for the very same work, so the more hygienic products we can role into one, the better. Also, I am v. glad to see that this new miracle product does not in the least smack of Lazy or Wholly Unnecessary.

Sincerely,

Two X Chromosomes


(http://www.oldspice.com/products.html)

Comments

kat said…
you should submit this to McSweeney's Internet Tendencies' "open letters to people or entities that are unlikely to respond."

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/
February 27, 2008 at 8:16 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Economy Watch (Or, an Exercise in Parentheses)

Image
In light of recent news that our super great Government is now looking to give the super great US auto-industry $25 billion of the $700 billion bailout (imagine: 700 billion frosties ), I can’t help but wonder: WTF (What the f*ck)? I thought the money (my money, your money) was meant to stabilize the US financial system, not our crappy auto industry. I dig that a lot of people are employed making (bad) US vehicles and they’d “lose their jobs” (become unemployed), but come on. This is a clear case of “been there, done that” (in Latin: shouldus knowest betterest by nowest ) which resulted in little to no innovation on the bailoutees ’ part (read: shitty cars or big cars or ugly cars or the movie Transformers, basically a really long, really bad GM commercial that even Optimus Prime couldn ’t save). I owned a GM vehicle in college, and frankly, I’m thinking Nancy Pelosi should be lobbying the Bush administration to give me $25 billion as pay-back for my car breaking down all the god
Read more

Musings of a First Year Teacher

Now that I'm done with school (and there was much rejoicing) I get to spend all of my time worrying about a very different sort of school - high school. In an effort to stay sane and stay Mary, I am reworking this blog to be an outlet for me as I deal with the trials and tribulations of a first year teacher, who, by all accounts, looks about the same age as her students. In one week, I have: bounced between two schools and five classrooms explained what bollocks means and why its a great phrase to 5 groups of scowling adolescents learned close to 130 names, including that E___ likes to be called Zimbabwe (though he cannot point to Zimbabwe on the map), H___ responds to Juice, and B___ to Ochocinco. walked across 4 classrooms on my knuckles like an ape to demonstrate the awesomeness of bipedalism in human evolution already gotten sick told one student that if he wrote a letter to the British government saying that is is "lame" that they don't allow you to touch the st
Read more

Waiting for Other People: A tragicomedy in two acts

Dramatis Personae Estrogen Russian Bloke Man w/ Chihuahuas Homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes, and quarters Other People Act One Scene: Smada Nagrom Estrogen: What are you doing? Russian Bloke: Watching this guy pee in public while we wait on Other People. What are you doing? Estrogen: Watching this enormous rat go by. Who are we waiting for again? Russian Bloke: We are waiting on Other People, who in this play do not in any way, shape or form represent God, just other, wretched people. Estrogen: Why does it always smell like pee here? Russian Bloke: Leave me alone while I play with my bowler hat. Enter: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker. Estrogen: Whoa, do you know someone replaced your baby with several, v. small ugly dogs? Russian Bloke: Just to be clear, did you vote for Obama/Biden, or your several, v. small ugly dogs currently being pushed around in an apparatus meant for human infants and not v. small ugly dogs? Man: Whatevs
Read more