Break this
I have hated ice-breaker activities since I was young. As a young first-year college student, I decidedly led the “Eff this” team upon discovering that Orientation was a series of “mandatory” ice breakers. We were notorious for saying “Eff this” and leaving soon after we got to organized activity X. By week’s end, we just weren’t going to anything because it was lame.
Ice breakers always seem to be created by the world’s most retarded extraverts. It’s like they’re sitting in a room, with nothing better to do than think of weird questions or lists of objects that can easily be held up in front of a group of strangers, whilst explaining how it represents your personality.
My answers never break ice; they just create more ice.
“I chose this pen because it’s pointy, thereby allowing me to inflict damage on people who make me pick up office supplies and talk about myself as if I’m middling enough to be likened to an Office Depot order.”
What does this say about me?
The kicker:
Adults cannot escape ice breakers. If I had known this, I would have chilled in grade school longer.
I recently learned that the following question was a for-realsy ice-breaker at a recent Important Meeting:
If you were recuperating in a hospital bed for an extended period of time, what famous person (living or dead) would you want recuperating next you?
Turns out this question beat these choice runners-up:
“Describe in detail the horrible hypothetical illness that hypothetically lays you up for an extended period of time (see above).”
“How do you want to die? Write it down on an index card and pass to your right.”
“Are you cheating on your husband?”
“Sometimes it burns when I urinate. Discuss.”
“If you were stranded on a desert island with no food, which of your coworkers would you eat first and why?”
“Write down your honest opinion of (historically-oppressed people X) and pass counter-clockwise.”
“Have you ever killed a man? Be sure to sign you name.”
[sic]
Ice breakers always seem to be created by the world’s most retarded extraverts. It’s like they’re sitting in a room, with nothing better to do than think of weird questions or lists of objects that can easily be held up in front of a group of strangers, whilst explaining how it represents your personality.
My answers never break ice; they just create more ice.
“I chose this pen because it’s pointy, thereby allowing me to inflict damage on people who make me pick up office supplies and talk about myself as if I’m middling enough to be likened to an Office Depot order.”
What does this say about me?
The kicker:
Adults cannot escape ice breakers. If I had known this, I would have chilled in grade school longer.
I recently learned that the following question was a for-realsy ice-breaker at a recent Important Meeting:
If you were recuperating in a hospital bed for an extended period of time, what famous person (living or dead) would you want recuperating next you?
Turns out this question beat these choice runners-up:
“Describe in detail the horrible hypothetical illness that hypothetically lays you up for an extended period of time (see above).”
“How do you want to die? Write it down on an index card and pass to your right.”
“Are you cheating on your husband?”
“Sometimes it burns when I urinate. Discuss.”
“If you were stranded on a desert island with no food, which of your coworkers would you eat first and why?”
“Write down your honest opinion of (historically-oppressed people X) and pass counter-clockwise.”
“Have you ever killed a man? Be sure to sign you name.”
[sic]
Comments
And in answer to that particular hypothetical question, I think I would have picked Calvin Coolidge. He wouldn't have bothered me, and I wouldn't have bothered him.
“Write down your honest opinion of (historically-oppressed people X) and pass counter-clockwise.”: According to my fourth grade teacher, some blacks liked being slaves. I don't see what the big deal was. They got a roof and two squares a day, right?
“Have you ever killed a man? Be sure to sign you name.” Yes, I killed a man just to watch him die.
Yours,
Jackie