Waiting for Other People: A tragicomedy in two acts

Dramatis Personae
Estrogen
Russian Bloke
Man w/ Chihuahuas
Homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes, and quarters
Other People

Act One
Scene: Smada Nagrom

Estrogen: What are you doing?

Russian Bloke: Watching this guy pee in public while we wait on Other People. What are you doing?

Estrogen: Watching this enormous rat go by. Who are we waiting for again?

Russian Bloke: We are waiting on Other People, who in this play do not in any way, shape or form represent God, just other, wretched people.

Estrogen: Why does it always smell like pee here?

Russian Bloke: Leave me alone while I play with my bowler hat.

Enter: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker.

Estrogen: Whoa, do you know someone replaced your baby with several, v. small ugly dogs?

Russian Bloke: Just to be clear, did you vote for Obama/Biden, or your several, v. small ugly dogs currently being pushed around in an apparatus meant for human infants and not v. small ugly dogs?

Man: Whatevs, random trampy people. I’m just here as a *fabulous* diversion, much like the public urinators and rodents. No taxation without representation!

Exit: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker.

Russian Bloke: Where the f*ck are Other People?

Estrogen: Waiting is hard. Let’s get a jumbo slice and/or tattoo.

Enter homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes and quarters.

Homeless man: Other People would like me to tell you that they aren’t going to be able to deliver on their responsibilities. Also, will you buy me a ham sandwich? I like your feet.

Russian Bloke: What the f*ck?

Curtain.

Act Two
Scene: Foggy Top

Russian Bloke: Well, here we are again. I have everything all ready to go, I just need Other People. When are they going to show?

Estrogen: I bet we’d know if we had an iPhone. There’s an app for that.

Enter: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker.

Russian Bloke: You again! What are you doing here?...So your deaf now? That’s cool.

Exit: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker.

Estrogen: What happened yesterday?

Russian Bloke: This is getting ridiculous.

Enter homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes and quarters.

Homeless man: Other People would like me to tell you that they aren’t going to be able to deliver or show up. Ever.

Russian Bloke: But we’ve been waiting in two v. different although equally douche-baggy places forever!

Estrogen: We have?

Homeless man: Now about that ham sandwich...

Curtain.


Comments

Jim said…
If we get a spiral-cut ham like I suggested, we could probably afford to give a ham sandwich to that homeless man who's always asking you for one in real life. Perhaps we could spell out "Obama/Biden 2012" in glaze to please the guy with the carriage full of tiny dogs.
September 17, 2009 at 11:22 AM
MB said…
You are obsessed with ham.
September 17, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Unknown said…
Mary,

That post was genius!! If you despise DC enough to write the abridged (and much improved version of) Waiting for Godot, it might be time to make that move. Remember my crazy angry work haikus from back in the day?
September 20, 2009 at 5:02 PM
MB said…
Oh Ekoko, that is such a compliment coming from you, thank you! I have about 3 (!) months left in the office world before I start student teaching (!!!), so the countdown is on. In the meantime, I'll continue channeling my rage through the written word. (=
September 21, 2009 at 9:37 AM
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