Pet Peeves, Non sequitur
The man on the metro wearing a safari hat
Sir, it is 7:45 a.m., and we are in Virginia, not Kenya. Also, it is about 65 degrees, and you look like a huge douchebag. Have fun big game hunting in Farragut Square.
Katie Holmes
If I married a weirdo with gobs of money, I too could spend all day having no exceptional talent other than walking around in expensive clothes purchased with his money.
People who call a number and say they are calling because "this number was on their caller ID"
Who called you?
-I don't know.
Do you know what this was in reference to?
-I don't know.
Any idea what this might be in reference too?
- I eat my own feces.
Way to be.
Teamwork
In kindergarten, this meant that I did all the work while the members of my group learned to read, ate glue, or opened the door on Danny using the classroom bathroom.
It's really not that much different now, in the adult world.
Only kindergardeners get a bathroom in their classroom
Odd, since they are the ones most likely to open the door while a fellow classmate is peeing. I would love my own bathroom at work, because then it would be easier to avoid people, and therefore, meaningless small talk.
Which brings me to
Sir, it is 7:45 a.m., and we are in Virginia, not Kenya. Also, it is about 65 degrees, and you look like a huge douchebag. Have fun big game hunting in Farragut Square.
Katie Holmes
If I married a weirdo with gobs of money, I too could spend all day having no exceptional talent other than walking around in expensive clothes purchased with his money.
People who call a number and say they are calling because "this number was on their caller ID"
Who called you?
-I don't know.
Do you know what this was in reference to?
-I don't know.
Any idea what this might be in reference too?
- I eat my own feces.
Way to be.
Teamwork
In kindergarten, this meant that I did all the work while the members of my group learned to read, ate glue, or opened the door on Danny using the classroom bathroom.
It's really not that much different now, in the adult world.
Only kindergardeners get a bathroom in their classroom
Odd, since they are the ones most likely to open the door while a fellow classmate is peeing. I would love my own bathroom at work, because then it would be easier to avoid people, and therefore, meaningless small talk.
Which brings me to
Meaningless small talk in the bathroom
If I'm talking to you in the bathroom, it means one of two things: 1-I'm drunk as hell, or 2-I need a tampon. Nothing else could possibly be happening in the bathroom that I want to share with you, or that you should feel the need to share with me, a stranger.
Baby showers
This is a wedding shower on hormones, or an ever more severe form of Estro-fest with no alcohol. It's not like I lead a thrilling life, but that still doesn't mean I want to spend my Saturday afternoon playing effing Baby Bingo and buying you presents because you're spawning.
Arrogance
Nothing says “I’m better than you” than saying “I’m better than you.”
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