Pet Peeves, redux

In the true spirit of my new favorite book, A$$hole: How I Got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a Damn About Anyone and How You Can Too, I’ve expanded my list of pet peeves. The following are not limited to an everyday Metro riding experience, but are limited to an approximately 30 minute lunch break.

Men in running shorts.

If I wanted to see a random stranger’s junk, I’d rent a porn.

Old men in running shorts.

I don’t know if there is such a thing as geriatric porn, but I hope this is as close as I’ll ever get.

Men staring at me.

Seriously. Go jerk off in the bathroom and be done with it.

Really fat people eating.

Just want to knock it from their hand and scream, “Don’t you know this is the reason why you are the way you are?!!?”

Highly Inappropriate elevator conservations.

When you walk into the elevator and you hear, "hips just..thrusting," its usally a bad sign. It's also a bad sign if your dog is humping your cat. He ain’t bored. When I’m bored, I don’t hump another species. Your dog is f*cked up, plain and simple.

Pricelessly timed g-chat conversations concerning your cat’s new habit of humping your neighbor's dog.

I may know a 9th-foor neighbor with similar issues to put you in touch with.

People who don’t finish their fries.

When I have nature’s most glorious food in front of me, I also don’t want to finish it, because I’m deranged, and late for my poker game with the Devil and the tooth fairy.

People who don’t finish their Chick-Fil-A fries.

You only get 6 days a week to sample these holier-than-thou-fries. So you may as well man up and git ‘er done.

Everyone I work with.

Pretty much sums it up.

Comments

Jackie said…
Remember that trucker? Taking pictures of you without your permission should also be a peeve.
April 17, 2008 at 2:42 PM
Jim said…
No, I heard the random trucker story, and it clearly was a source of amusement for the subject of the photo. I can just picture said subject mugging for the camera in her brand-new cowgirl hat...
April 18, 2008 at 10:33 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Economy Watch (Or, an Exercise in Parentheses)

Image
In light of recent news that our super great Government is now looking to give the super great US auto-industry $25 billion of the $700 billion bailout (imagine: 700 billion frosties ), I can’t help but wonder: WTF (What the f*ck)? I thought the money (my money, your money) was meant to stabilize the US financial system, not our crappy auto industry. I dig that a lot of people are employed making (bad) US vehicles and they’d “lose their jobs” (become unemployed), but come on. This is a clear case of “been there, done that” (in Latin: shouldus knowest betterest by nowest ) which resulted in little to no innovation on the bailoutees ’ part (read: shitty cars or big cars or ugly cars or the movie Transformers, basically a really long, really bad GM commercial that even Optimus Prime couldn ’t save). I owned a GM vehicle in college, and frankly, I’m thinking Nancy Pelosi should be lobbying the Bush administration to give me $25 billion as pay-back for my car breaking down all the god
Read more

Musings of a First Year Teacher

Now that I'm done with school (and there was much rejoicing) I get to spend all of my time worrying about a very different sort of school - high school. In an effort to stay sane and stay Mary, I am reworking this blog to be an outlet for me as I deal with the trials and tribulations of a first year teacher, who, by all accounts, looks about the same age as her students. In one week, I have: bounced between two schools and five classrooms explained what bollocks means and why its a great phrase to 5 groups of scowling adolescents learned close to 130 names, including that E___ likes to be called Zimbabwe (though he cannot point to Zimbabwe on the map), H___ responds to Juice, and B___ to Ochocinco. walked across 4 classrooms on my knuckles like an ape to demonstrate the awesomeness of bipedalism in human evolution already gotten sick told one student that if he wrote a letter to the British government saying that is is "lame" that they don't allow you to touch the st
Read more

Waiting for Other People: A tragicomedy in two acts

Dramatis Personae Estrogen Russian Bloke Man w/ Chihuahuas Homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes, and quarters Other People Act One Scene: Smada Nagrom Estrogen: What are you doing? Russian Bloke: Watching this guy pee in public while we wait on Other People. What are you doing? Estrogen: Watching this enormous rat go by. Who are we waiting for again? Russian Bloke: We are waiting on Other People, who in this play do not in any way, shape or form represent God, just other, wretched people. Estrogen: Why does it always smell like pee here? Russian Bloke: Leave me alone while I play with my bowler hat. Enter: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker. Estrogen: Whoa, do you know someone replaced your baby with several, v. small ugly dogs? Russian Bloke: Just to be clear, did you vote for Obama/Biden, or your several, v. small ugly dogs currently being pushed around in an apparatus meant for human infants and not v. small ugly dogs? Man: Whatevs
Read more