Breaking the Silence...
Y'all know this drill.
1. Gentrification.
Slapping a huge indoor mall in the middle of a distressed area doesn’t make the distressed area any better. Now you just have to walk by the crazy people on your way to Best Buy and pray no one mugs you for your Target bag.
2. Rosary beads as bling.
Are you a thug or a priest? I can’t tell if I should run away or confess my sins.
3. This economy.
It’s not doing so great. Have you heard? We’ve got the whole country freaking out about it when I would wager that at least 50% of our good nation thinks Adam Smith is a contestant on Dancing with the Stars and Donald Trump wrote The Wealth of Nations.
4. This bailout.
A bunch of people decided they should buy a house when they couldn’t *quite* afford it + A bunch of people decided to cash in and give them the money to do it anyway = Mary’s problem, and everyone else who pays taxes. Hmm. F*ck you.
5. This city.
I think I’m the only person in DC that still cries out (as in, aloud) when I see someone else or I myself am almost hit by a car.
(It happens more than you'd think).
6. Within one year, the 20 busiest underground Metro stations will be required to have cellphone access for all carriers…
Thank God I'm not in politics. If I were and my beloved Metro was slated to get $1.5 billion of Federal money for desperately needed repairs, I would have made sure that *all* the money went to repairs, such as the trains, the platforms, and the elevators. God, I'm just WAY out there. It's just a good thing I'm not in politics. I don't have my priorities straight. And I'm racist.
7. The insistence that the Federal government provide everyone with Health Care.
We also wanted the Federal government to ensure that more people could afford homes, and that is ending beautifully. This is the government that put us in Iraq, dumps tons of corn and soybeans into the Great Lakes every year, subsidized ethanol in the 1970s instead of dealing with the oil crisis properly THE FIRST TIME 30 years ago, and so smashingly addressed Hurricane Katrina. Yes, please, PLEASE fix my healthcare. You've proven worthy of the task.
8. Leadership.
If you can talk a good game (preferably in a sonorous voice), or if you have money, you’re set for life. I’m convinced. The actual work and thought is left to us non-talking, non-moneyed folk.
9. Letters from the social security administration.
Rather than periodically getting a letter telling me that I’ll never see ANY of the thousands of dollars I have already contributed to social security since I was 16, I’d rather some Fed just come to my house and slap me in the face. It’d be quicker, more to the point, and save trees.
10. “Let’s just evenly split the check.”
Better quote: "If a bear can play hockey*, then a group of humans should be able to figure out how much they owe and contribute accordingly." If this is how it goes for office lunches, I’m just going to start ordering whatever has beef in it (that’s always the most expensive) and stick it to my colleagues in the most passive aggressive way possible. Some of us have old people and homeowners to care for, and need to watch our pennies.
*unreal:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PEl9PJCC48
1. Gentrification.
Slapping a huge indoor mall in the middle of a distressed area doesn’t make the distressed area any better. Now you just have to walk by the crazy people on your way to Best Buy and pray no one mugs you for your Target bag.
2. Rosary beads as bling.
Are you a thug or a priest? I can’t tell if I should run away or confess my sins.
3. This economy.
It’s not doing so great. Have you heard? We’ve got the whole country freaking out about it when I would wager that at least 50% of our good nation thinks Adam Smith is a contestant on Dancing with the Stars and Donald Trump wrote The Wealth of Nations.
4. This bailout.
A bunch of people decided they should buy a house when they couldn’t *quite* afford it + A bunch of people decided to cash in and give them the money to do it anyway = Mary’s problem, and everyone else who pays taxes. Hmm. F*ck you.
5. This city.
I think I’m the only person in DC that still cries out (as in, aloud) when I see someone else or I myself am almost hit by a car.
(It happens more than you'd think).
6. Within one year, the 20 busiest underground Metro stations will be required to have cellphone access for all carriers…
Thank God I'm not in politics. If I were and my beloved Metro was slated to get $1.5 billion of Federal money for desperately needed repairs, I would have made sure that *all* the money went to repairs, such as the trains, the platforms, and the elevators. God, I'm just WAY out there. It's just a good thing I'm not in politics. I don't have my priorities straight. And I'm racist.
7. The insistence that the Federal government provide everyone with Health Care.
We also wanted the Federal government to ensure that more people could afford homes, and that is ending beautifully. This is the government that put us in Iraq, dumps tons of corn and soybeans into the Great Lakes every year, subsidized ethanol in the 1970s instead of dealing with the oil crisis properly THE FIRST TIME 30 years ago, and so smashingly addressed Hurricane Katrina. Yes, please, PLEASE fix my healthcare. You've proven worthy of the task.
8. Leadership.
If you can talk a good game (preferably in a sonorous voice), or if you have money, you’re set for life. I’m convinced. The actual work and thought is left to us non-talking, non-moneyed folk.
9. Letters from the social security administration.
Rather than periodically getting a letter telling me that I’ll never see ANY of the thousands of dollars I have already contributed to social security since I was 16, I’d rather some Fed just come to my house and slap me in the face. It’d be quicker, more to the point, and save trees.
10. “Let’s just evenly split the check.”
Better quote: "If a bear can play hockey*, then a group of humans should be able to figure out how much they owe and contribute accordingly." If this is how it goes for office lunches, I’m just going to start ordering whatever has beef in it (that’s always the most expensive) and stick it to my colleagues in the most passive aggressive way possible. Some of us have old people and homeowners to care for, and need to watch our pennies.
*unreal:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PEl9PJCC48
Comments
Your analysis of the financial crisis is actually the most succinct explanation I've seen in writing. Someone should print it up on the slips of paper you get in fortune cookies and mail them to every home in America. It might actually get through to people.