Sanity
Today I decided I will keep a running log of all the idiosyncrasies (read: mostly things that piss me off) in the hopes that it will help me to get over it quicker, and move on with my day. And as it is not even 10:30, and I have three things, I have a feeling I will be addding to this all day long...
Asked by the 4th person in my office where my sombrero is. Granted, I’m ridiculous and have a stronger-than-most affinity for wearing silly hats, but come on. This is just getting annoying. My lack of sombrero doesn’t change the outcome of the Battle of Puebla.
10:12 AM
My colleagues and I learn that our building has been entered in this year's TOBY (The Office Building of the Year) competition. According to the building manager, “the TOBY Awards are among the most coveted and prestigious awards in our industry. Local winners advance to the regional and international levels. And if we don’t win, I’m hanging myself in the lobby.”
What the building manager doesn’t realize is that the ensuing caution tape and rumors of building manager ghosts will surely knock good old Arlington Gateway out of the TOBY running for years to come.
This just about puts me over the edge. What AREN’T there awards for? Months ago, I brought my “Safety Patrol of the Year Award” (from 5th grade) to my cubicle as a joke. However, with each passing day, I feel that this award is probably the most legit thing I have seen in this bizarre office world. I got this award for 1-making sure little kids (or at least, kids littler than me as a 5th grader) didn’t run into the bus circle or cross the street and 2-being the Patrol Captain, who made sure all the other patrols were at their posts on time. This seems more worthy to me than making sure there aren’t any towels hanging in the ladies locker room, and I was sodding 11 years old. Sorry, TOBY.
Circa 9:00 AM
The temp of the week needs to use Access to do his assigned task. In true office form, the temp is here before absolutely anyone who works on the project he has been brought in to help with. He keeps talking to me about what he should do in the meantime, since he is not adequately equipped to do his task. Instead of saying: ‘Nothing. There is nothing to do because those in charge of you didn’t think this through, and there is nothing I can do about. Now leave me alone, because it’s Monday morning and we are out of coffee and you are not in any way shape or form my responsibility,” I promptly pass him off to my boss, as it is not my problem that those more important than me do not have it together.
Circa 8:45 AM
Old man cuts me off on the Ballston Metro escalator and then walks up the steps about as fast as a dead person. There is already only one working escalator at Ballston due to the fact that Metro updates itself everyone 25 years or so. It’s just bad luck for me that 2008 just happens to be an on-year, and people’s obliviously-shitty rates are currently off the charts.
The Metro Escalators are one of those things where you can’t really walk any faster than the mindless commuter in front of you. It’s annoying, but there is really nothing to be done about. This is in direct contrast, of course, to the assholes who just stand on the left side. I have become that woman who calls these people out. Not because I’m jonesing to get to work, but because it annoys me. The damn machine already climbs the effing stairs for you, the least you can do is move your fat legs like they did in the olden days when stairs stood still.
2:00 PM
Openly glare at toolbag on his cell phone in the elevator. Seriously dude. Even Jesus doesn't have any bars in the elevator.
12:58 PM
Check my online statement for the zillionth time to see if I have been stimulated yet.
12:55 PM
Distracted while walking to the kitchen by a laser pointer on my person and the wall behind me. Quickly identify the culprit and tell her: 1-if you were in elementary school, your ass would be expelled for that and 2-you should go play with that discreetly in the lobby when the TOBY inspectors come tomorrow.
Asked by the 4th person in my office where my sombrero is. Granted, I’m ridiculous and have a stronger-than-most affinity for wearing silly hats, but come on. This is just getting annoying. My lack of sombrero doesn’t change the outcome of the Battle of Puebla.
10:12 AM
My colleagues and I learn that our building has been entered in this year's TOBY (The Office Building of the Year) competition. According to the building manager, “the TOBY Awards are among the most coveted and prestigious awards in our industry. Local winners advance to the regional and international levels. And if we don’t win, I’m hanging myself in the lobby.”
What the building manager doesn’t realize is that the ensuing caution tape and rumors of building manager ghosts will surely knock good old Arlington Gateway out of the TOBY running for years to come.
This just about puts me over the edge. What AREN’T there awards for? Months ago, I brought my “Safety Patrol of the Year Award” (from 5th grade) to my cubicle as a joke. However, with each passing day, I feel that this award is probably the most legit thing I have seen in this bizarre office world. I got this award for 1-making sure little kids (or at least, kids littler than me as a 5th grader) didn’t run into the bus circle or cross the street and 2-being the Patrol Captain, who made sure all the other patrols were at their posts on time. This seems more worthy to me than making sure there aren’t any towels hanging in the ladies locker room, and I was sodding 11 years old. Sorry, TOBY.
Circa 9:00 AM
The temp of the week needs to use Access to do his assigned task. In true office form, the temp is here before absolutely anyone who works on the project he has been brought in to help with. He keeps talking to me about what he should do in the meantime, since he is not adequately equipped to do his task. Instead of saying: ‘Nothing. There is nothing to do because those in charge of you didn’t think this through, and there is nothing I can do about. Now leave me alone, because it’s Monday morning and we are out of coffee and you are not in any way shape or form my responsibility,” I promptly pass him off to my boss, as it is not my problem that those more important than me do not have it together.
Circa 8:45 AM
Old man cuts me off on the Ballston Metro escalator and then walks up the steps about as fast as a dead person. There is already only one working escalator at Ballston due to the fact that Metro updates itself everyone 25 years or so. It’s just bad luck for me that 2008 just happens to be an on-year, and people’s obliviously-shitty rates are currently off the charts.
The Metro Escalators are one of those things where you can’t really walk any faster than the mindless commuter in front of you. It’s annoying, but there is really nothing to be done about. This is in direct contrast, of course, to the assholes who just stand on the left side. I have become that woman who calls these people out. Not because I’m jonesing to get to work, but because it annoys me. The damn machine already climbs the effing stairs for you, the least you can do is move your fat legs like they did in the olden days when stairs stood still.
Comments
"Hey look, these stairs are moving! I can stand still and still move! Do da dooooo..."
Oh and the gov't sucks. We just got stimulated... Explain to me how Brad and I make less than 1/3rd of the minimum for a $1,200 stimulus cutoff ($150,000 for smug marrieds) and only got 600 sodding dollars. Apparently since we didn't make enough to be taxed in the first place, thus getting most of our tax dollars back, this means we need less stimulation. It seems like a brilliant government idea. "Hey let's give less to the people who need it the most; e.g. the people who get their taxes back b/c they aren't even making enough to get by but somehow mysteriously do so. Let's give them 1/2 of what other people making three times more with no children are getting." Douchebags.