How I spend my August Mondays

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36

Today is my own personal new year. Last weekend, my sister-in-law asked me if I feel old. I honestly don’t.   Since the age of five I have been an angry old man, so if anything I am one step closer to becoming my Most Authentic Self. But since I do now have the sagacity of 36 years on this earth, and since I am on the blog-twice-a-year plan, I offer the following 36 pieces of “wisdom” (sic). Some are certainly things I’ve learned, some I’ve just observed, and some are just statements I can say because it’s my birthday and my blog, damnit. Cheers and thanks for reading. *** 1. Real butter is worth it. If you have been denying yourself real butter because it’s fatty, bad for you, not as cool as ghee, etc. pull your head out of your ass and start eating it. A little goes a long way and there is no substitute. 2. All things in moderation. Especially moderation. 3. Anyone that denies themselves entire food groups by choice is a lunatic. We have one life...
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Economy Watch (Or, an Exercise in Parentheses)

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In light of recent news that our super great Government is now looking to give the super great US auto-industry $25 billion of the $700 billion bailout (imagine: 700 billion frosties ), I can’t help but wonder: WTF (What the f*ck)? I thought the money (my money, your money) was meant to stabilize the US financial system, not our crappy auto industry. I dig that a lot of people are employed making (bad) US vehicles and they’d “lose their jobs” (become unemployed), but come on. This is a clear case of “been there, done that” (in Latin: shouldus knowest betterest by nowest ) which resulted in little to no innovation on the bailoutees ’ part (read: shitty cars or big cars or ugly cars or the movie Transformers, basically a really long, really bad GM commercial that even Optimus Prime couldn ’t save). I owned a GM vehicle in college, and frankly, I’m thinking Nancy Pelosi should be lobbying the Bush administration to give me $25 billion as pay-back for my car breaking down all the god...
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Waiting for Other People: A tragicomedy in two acts

Dramatis Personae Estrogen Russian Bloke Man w/ Chihuahuas Homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes, and quarters Other People Act One Scene: Smada Nagrom Estrogen: What are you doing? Russian Bloke: Watching this guy pee in public while we wait on Other People. What are you doing? Estrogen: Watching this enormous rat go by. Who are we waiting for again? Russian Bloke: We are waiting on Other People, who in this play do not in any way, shape or form represent God, just other, wretched people. Estrogen: Why does it always smell like pee here? Russian Bloke: Leave me alone while I play with my bowler hat. Enter: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker. Estrogen: Whoa, do you know someone replaced your baby with several, v. small ugly dogs? Russian Bloke: Just to be clear, did you vote for Obama/Biden, or your several, v. small ugly dogs currently being pushed around in an apparatus meant for human infants and not v. small ugly dogs? Man: Whatevs...
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