A wholly realistic breakdown of how I spend my time during heat advisories



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Economy Watch (Or, an Exercise in Parentheses)

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In light of recent news that our super great Government is now looking to give the super great US auto-industry $25 billion of the $700 billion bailout (imagine: 700 billion frosties ), I can’t help but wonder: WTF (What the f*ck)? I thought the money (my money, your money) was meant to stabilize the US financial system, not our crappy auto industry. I dig that a lot of people are employed making (bad) US vehicles and they’d “lose their jobs” (become unemployed), but come on. This is a clear case of “been there, done that” (in Latin: shouldus knowest betterest by nowest ) which resulted in little to no innovation on the bailoutees ’ part (read: shitty cars or big cars or ugly cars or the movie Transformers, basically a really long, really bad GM commercial that even Optimus Prime couldn ’t save). I owned a GM vehicle in college, and frankly, I’m thinking Nancy Pelosi should be lobbying the Bush administration to give me $25 billion as pay-back for my car breaking down all the god...
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Waiting for Other People: A tragicomedy in two acts

Dramatis Personae Estrogen Russian Bloke Man w/ Chihuahuas Homeless man who accepts nickels, dimes, and quarters Other People Act One Scene: Smada Nagrom Estrogen: What are you doing? Russian Bloke: Watching this guy pee in public while we wait on Other People. What are you doing? Estrogen: Watching this enormous rat go by. Who are we waiting for again? Russian Bloke: We are waiting on Other People, who in this play do not in any way, shape or form represent God, just other, wretched people. Estrogen: Why does it always smell like pee here? Russian Bloke: Leave me alone while I play with my bowler hat. Enter: man pushing several Chihuahuas in a baby stroller adorned with Obama/Biden sticker. Estrogen: Whoa, do you know someone replaced your baby with several, v. small ugly dogs? Russian Bloke: Just to be clear, did you vote for Obama/Biden, or your several, v. small ugly dogs currently being pushed around in an apparatus meant for human infants and not v. small ugly dogs? Man: Whatevs...
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Mary’s Ann Coulter Moment

I am currently reading a study of a program whose participants show a “reduced rate of hitting children with objects…” There are several burning questions in my mind, the least of which is: what exactly constitutes an object? Are we talking wooden spoon or car door? The object of choice notwithstanding, the sad fact is that lots of people smack their children. I’d just like to know when humanity got to the point where soooo many of us are smacking our kids around that the only logical remedy is to have our government shell out millions of dollars to figure out why people smack their kids around and how do we make them stop. (Here it comes. Brace yourself). (Are you braced?) Here are the just-published results of the Steinberg Study on Beating Kids. My sources are common sense and decency: Don’t beat your goddamned kid. You beat your kid, you are a bad parent. Full stop. It’s not the TV’s fault. It’s not your parents fault for whacking you. It’s your fault and you should know better. Wh...
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