Best of 8th grade

Oh my god Ms. Steinberg I need to go to the bathroom to wash Trent’s blood off of me.

You better not be texting unless you are texting someone the 5 steps in the law-making process.

Best off-color example:
Student: What does probable cause mean?
Me: It’s like, if you accused Richard of killing Diego, you better have some reason to think he actually did it.
Student: You mean, like proof?
Me: Yea, that’s a much better way to say what I said in one word.

Me: Who is the governor of Virginia?
Student: Bill O’Reilly!
Me: Close.

Student: How old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
Student: 21.
Me: I am 45 years old.
Student: No way.
Me: Way.

Why do you want to be a teacher? Teachers don’t make any money. You should be an IT tech person.

My binder smells like a hot dog. (Five minutes later, Bailey pulls a hot dog out of his binder and throws it away).

Me: What does you bracelet say?
Student: Boobies.
Me: Nice.

We rocked so hard that we went back all the way to 1940 and the Tuskegee Airmen! (Black History Project Presentation in the style of Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure)

Ms. Steinberg, what would you do if you were jumped on by a 250-pound beast and knocked to the ground?

Ethan, pull your pants up.

Sean, if I see hear you talking about happy trails one more time you’re outta here.

Best butchering of my name:
Ms. Steindingle

Best missing the point of the example:
So if I’m a lobbyist and Kwadio is a Congressmen, maybe I take him out to dinner to tell him all about my ideas and try to convince him to see things my way on this bill.
-OO, where are you going to dinner?

Can we kidnap you and make you stay for the rest of the year? –Don’t know if it was sincere, but I’m ending it on this note all the same.

Comments

Mary! HILARIOUS!! This is the best part of teaching...all the crazy things they say and the weird things you find yourself saying. I once found myself saying, "No you cannot pee in the trashcan just because we are on lockdown. The drug dogs are on the way." (WTF) I also made a new rule for getting out of your seat to use the hand sanitizer: "Only if someone has just vomitted on your hands." I'm glad you are enjoying your job!
MB said…
Well, it's not a job. It's a faux job in the sense that it's not my class, classroom, and I'm not getting paid (but I do get to pay tuition to crappy GW for this experience). I just hope I get a job. But I love the funny things they say. By the way, your trashcan quote is PRICELESS.
Captain Awkward said…
My sister teaches 9th grade English and has some excellent stories. My favorite exchange:

Student: "Can I sit closer to the front?"
My sister: "Why do you want to move closer?"
Student: "I can't see the board, and I can't wear my glasses because of the pregnancy."

Classic.
MB said…
lol, I had no idea who Captain Awkward was. I'm glad I looked into it. I thought you were some sort of weird cyber person, but now I feel a little better. Your sister and Emily have waaaay better quotes than mine. Damnit.

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