Somebody call a doctor
Because if you don’t, I’m just going to keep diagnosing myself with outrageously stupid and improbable diseases, such as:
Lupus-I don’t even know what this is. I found a lump on my neck and decided it was lupus. Lupus just sort of sounds like a disease that would cause a bumpy neck.
Toxic shock syndrome- I was convinced I had days to live after accepting a tampon from a stranger at a Macaroni Grill somewhere in North Carolina.
Crohn’s disease-I think Wyoming just doesn’t have great produce.
Fear of my fly being down-How do they have a name for a fear of peanut butter but not this? I swear it’s real, and I suffer from it.
Social Anxiety Disorder-daily. Tramel confirmed this with her Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV), so this is legit.
Trisomy X (also known as having three vs. two X chromosomes)-freshman year of William and Mary. I’m phenotypically normal and would be happy to believe that I demonstrate a slight statistical knockdown in intelligence. Also, I think this disease only exists at William and Mary.
African sleeping sickness-I’ve never been to Africa, but I was so tired for like 6 days straight. Nothing else could explain it.
Chlamydia-usually after eating something nasty from a dining hall or fast food restaurant, after using a public restroom, after drinking DC water or stepping in DC rainwater.
Lupus-I don’t even know what this is. I found a lump on my neck and decided it was lupus. Lupus just sort of sounds like a disease that would cause a bumpy neck.
Toxic shock syndrome- I was convinced I had days to live after accepting a tampon from a stranger at a Macaroni Grill somewhere in North Carolina.
Crohn’s disease-I think Wyoming just doesn’t have great produce.
Fear of my fly being down-How do they have a name for a fear of peanut butter but not this? I swear it’s real, and I suffer from it.
Social Anxiety Disorder-daily. Tramel confirmed this with her Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV), so this is legit.
Trisomy X (also known as having three vs. two X chromosomes)-freshman year of William and Mary. I’m phenotypically normal and would be happy to believe that I demonstrate a slight statistical knockdown in intelligence. Also, I think this disease only exists at William and Mary.
African sleeping sickness-I’ve never been to Africa, but I was so tired for like 6 days straight. Nothing else could explain it.
Chlamydia-usually after eating something nasty from a dining hall or fast food restaurant, after using a public restroom, after drinking DC water or stepping in DC rainwater.
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