Short Lists: Fifth in a Series

Things I'm good at:
1-letting dishes pile up in the sink.
2-pessimism. seriously. gold medalist.
3-killing plants.
4-eating bread.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Somebody call a doctor

Because if you don’t, I’m just going to keep diagnosing myself with outrageously stupid and improbable diseases, such as: Lupus-I don’t even know what this is. I found a lump on my neck and decided it was lupus. Lupus just sort of sounds like a disease that would cause a bumpy neck. Toxic shock syndrome- I was convinced I had days to live after accepting a tampon from a stranger at a Macaroni Grill somewhere in North Carolina. Crohn ’s disease-I think Wyoming just doesn ’t have great produce. Fear of my fly being down-How do they have a name for a fear of peanut butter but not this? I swear it’s real, and I suffer from it. Social Anxiety Disorder-daily. Tramel confirmed this with her Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition ( DSM -IV), so this is legit. Trisomy X (also known as having three vs. two X chromosomes)-freshman year of William and Mary. I’m phenotypically normal and would be happy to believe that I demonstrate a slight statistical knockdown in...
Read more

Economy Watch (Or, an Exercise in Parentheses)

Image
In light of recent news that our super great Government is now looking to give the super great US auto-industry $25 billion of the $700 billion bailout (imagine: 700 billion frosties ), I can’t help but wonder: WTF (What the f*ck)? I thought the money (my money, your money) was meant to stabilize the US financial system, not our crappy auto industry. I dig that a lot of people are employed making (bad) US vehicles and they’d “lose their jobs” (become unemployed), but come on. This is a clear case of “been there, done that” (in Latin: shouldus knowest betterest by nowest ) which resulted in little to no innovation on the bailoutees ’ part (read: shitty cars or big cars or ugly cars or the movie Transformers, basically a really long, really bad GM commercial that even Optimus Prime couldn ’t save). I owned a GM vehicle in college, and frankly, I’m thinking Nancy Pelosi should be lobbying the Bush administration to give me $25 billion as pay-back for my car breaking down all the god...
Read more

nine to five

This is an homage to my work place (DMT) created in the midst of a desperately needed mental health break from the Nonsense that is my full-time job. And all jokes aside, my office really has been running the dishwasher on “rinse” for sodding months. Delicious. If you Google DMT, you get the other DMT, Dimethyltryptamine, a naturally occurring and potent psychedelic drug. My DMT, by contast, is not naturally-occuring and is more impotent than psychedulic. It also, interstingly, does not make it to Google’s first page of hits, unlike the following headings: making DMT, how to get DMT, saliva (my personal favorite), and DMT trips. My workplace helps social entrepreneurs implement social solutions. (If you know the term and/or regularly use the term “social entrepreneur,” go hang yourself). So, without further ado: DMT DC Perpetuates Plague with Bad Dishwasher Interpretation “This explains why my ‘Don’t Bother Me, I’m Crabby’ mug always has crap in it,” Associate Analyst and dish-user Ma...
Read more