Load of Bollix

Being a wholly uncharacteristic list of Favorite Things. A sense of humor Otherwise, riding a Metro bus that smells like a rotting pumpkin would just make you wish you were dead. My boyfriend Whose well-written intelligent blog I “Mary-ify” with ridiculous comments about Tremors worms going under in the housing bubble. June Carter Cash What a badass. Married to Johnny AND played the autoharp? I love it. I just feel better when I listen to her (especially if she's drowning others out). Reese’s peanut butter cups I don’t know who you are, Mr. Reese’s peanut butter cup inventor, but God Bless You. Venus razor It only took about 10 years and a discontinued Gillette Sensor Excel for me to jump on this bandwagon. That third blade, so oft mocked by anonymous cheapskate skeptics as unnecessary, is the kicker. Saturday Night Live Not on Saturday Night Otherwise, I might not keep up with the news at all. Election day is nigh upon us To the victor will go the spoils. Which means those annoyi...

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy. -Jack Handy

1. Gloria Steinem on my Starbucks mug "Women’s bodies are valued as ornaments. Men’s bodies are valued as instruments" ? Whatever, Glo. You could just cut to the chase and say this business about the glass ceiling cracking is BsoddingS. The Way I See it, someone should go take a look at those NFL cheerleaders and the decidedly hookerish clothing we dress little girls in and get back to me on how far we’ve come. 2. I treated myself to a latte since I have to sit through 3 hours of economics this evening and it’s not even good. No further explanation necessary. 3. Obama overload OK. So, he’s young (compared to all the zombies in national politics anyway) and he’s a Democrat and he’s black and his wife is an Amazon. He's a change alright, but until I see him walk on water and turn five loaves and two fish into a feast, I’ll continue to think Jesus is the better, more buoyant man. 4. Optimism The world is full of wretched people. Why can’t we all believe this already? 5. The ...

Mary: Generally eschews numbers to include basic math. Economy: Uses numbers to the point of confusion. Point: Mary, for keeping it simple. Economy: Is the focus of the presidential election. Mary: Is still pissed The Office was cancelled because of VP debate. Point: Mary, for choosing sense of humor over sense of doom. Economy: Gets $700 billion dollars to bail it out of trouble. Mary: Deals with consequences of her actions. Point: Mary, for character. Mary: Diligently saves in 401k plan. Economy: Eats 401k savings for breakfast. Point: Economy, for being gangsta. Mary: Can read or write Economy: Eschews those who can read, write, and/or afford their own homes. Point: Economy. See above. Mary: Is sick of hearing about the economy. Economy: Friended Mary on Facebook through the "people you may know and/or have screwed" function. Point: Economy, for embracing social networking. Final tally: Mary: 3 Economy: 3 To be continued...

Y'all know this drill. 1. Gentrification. Slapping a huge indoor mall in the middle of a distressed area doesn’t make the distressed area any better. Now you just have to walk by the crazy people on your way to Best Buy and pray no one mugs you for your Target bag. 2. Rosary beads as bling. Are you a thug or a priest? I can’t tell if I should run away or confess my sins. 3. This economy. It’s not doing so great. Have you heard? We’ve got the whole country freaking out about it when I would wager that at least 50% of our good nation thinks Adam Smith is a contestant on Dancing with the Stars and Donald Trump wrote The Wealth of Nations . 4. This bailout. A bunch of people decided they should buy a house when they couldn’t *quite* afford it + A bunch of people decided to cash in and give them the money to do it anyway = Mary’s problem, and everyone else who pays taxes. Hmm. F*ck you. 5. This city. I think I’m the only person in DC that still cries out (as in, aloud) when I see someo...