Come Waste Time With Me

Do you remember Instant Messenger? It was how we wasted time online before we REALLY started wasting time online like we’re doing RIGHT NOW. In college, it was a great way to post the Greek letters of your sorority and make people wonder (ENVY) how cool you were by being away and inactive for so long. I used to change my away messages on Instant Messenger ALL THE TIME because I was that good at wasting time. Though IM is long gone (I think?), I often think of things I WOULD post as an away message, if it were still around (it is gone, right?). Maybe these are the sort of things people tweet now, but if you think I’m going to start tweeting you can go jump off a bridge.

So here are just a few from the last day or so:

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-Should I just buy a scrunchie already? Jill Biden wears them and she’s like 80.

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-Jim and I’s 13ish year relationship can be summed up in the following very short exchange that takes place most mornings:

J: Did you hear the rain/wind/thunder/car alarm/fireworks/neighbors/rabid fox/tree falling last night?

M: No. Did you make more coffee, or should I?

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I am pretty sure that if I stopped eating the remains of my child’s food (that is to say, grilled cheese and string cheese), I’d be 5 lbs lighter. Of course, I won’t stop doing this.

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I want to get two fat cats and name them Boss Tweed and Daddy Warbucks.

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I really missed the elevators at my office because they have TVs with headlines and it is hands-down my favorite news source. 

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And last but not least:

Shout out to the a-hole in my office who brought in Duck Donuts a mere 3 hours after I vowed to eat less garbage today.

That’s all for today… I think. Thanks for wasting time with me. Good night.

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