Biting the Hand that Feeds You

There are many things that don’t make sense in this world. Of the top of my head, I can think of just a few: why I’m listening to Kanye West as I type this and why 15 year old boys like to draw penises (in sharpie) in each other’s $100 year books.

(In education this is called a hook. I “hooked” you in by referencing pop culture and genitalia. Point-me).

Here’s what else doesn’t make sense: public education. The problem is, when you can’t fire bad teachers, they’ll be a fair amount of bad teachers. And when we expect kids to do nothing, they’ll do just that. And at that point, you must wonder what separates you, a public-ivy trained, Masters degree holding professional, from a v. well paid babysitter.

In high school history class, we “teach” the last 190,000+ years of human existence. We cram it down the throats of adolescents beginning at 7:20 AM, when, research shows, their little brains are most def. NOT at the ready. In this quest, some try (emphasis on the try) to help students see patterns and make connections across that 190,000+ span. One way I try to do this is to constantly return to a list of open-ended questions: What is power? Who has it? Who doesn’t? Why does it matter? (just to name a few). In the world of education, we call these essential questions. I spent over $20,000 and over a year and a half of maddening graduate school getting this down. You just got it for free. Point-you.

If you wonder where I’m going with this, I’ll tell you: In public education, we teach to a test, a test complied by a bunch of gun slinging Richmond folk who decide what is worthy of history class and what is fluff. We teachers take this “framework” as our gospel. We highlight it, flag it, consult it daily. It’s educational doctrine. And we spend the year plowing through it. If you take a break from the standardized test gospel to talk about a revolution CURRENTLY GOING ON in Egypt, you get your wrist slapped for violating a pacing guide. You see, The Test is in May, and come hell or high water, you will cover it all before then. Arab Spring be damned.

Once that test is over, no one, it seems, expects anything productive to be done.

But it gets better when we probe deeper.

The reason for this school-as-holding-cell model is the result of…Kings Dominion. Oh yes, the same Kings Dominion full of fat, sunburned people in bikinis where you have a 75% chance of getting gonorrhea from any given seat on any given ride (For the record, gonorrhea is part of the Commonwealth’s GOVERNMENT curriculum. Not stuffing 170 lb of fat into a 120 lb package is not part of our curriculum).

Kings Dominion and the rest of the Commonwealth’s tourism industries require young worker bees to rake in their cash. As a result, Virginia starts school in September and ends in mid-June, a full month after our testing is done and a full month behind most other states in the country. So, the tourism big wigs are calling the shots and we, the lowly teacher and children, get the short end of the stick. In the immortal words of another 15-year old boy: Nut on that.

So, you grade yourself by answering these questions:

What is power?

Who has it?

Who doesn’t?

Why does it matter?