Load of Bollix

A: just have to tell you that ______ farted in my cubicle and I'm about to gag B: that's heinous A: it's awful - I want to take a shower B: you should go fart in his office and close the door. That ups the ante A: I know - what do they call that, a dutch oven? B: I've never heard of the dutch oven being applied in an office setting, but desperate times call for desperate measures A: I couldn't even open my mouth at one point. I don't know how anyone else didn't smell it B: that is unspeakably heinous A: we should put this on the shout box on the [company] intranet or the coffee break forum B: make sure you use 10000 exclamation points: "______, thanks for farting in my cubicle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This conversation is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons, places, heinous actions, lame office communication mediums, or g-chat conversations is not intentional and purely coincidental.

"Anyone who has ever been on a snipe hunt will know what hunting ballyhoo birds was like." My worthless piece of crap Word-A-Day calendar strikes again. Ballyhoo is the word of the day, and the calendar randomly launched into a poorly worded, nonsensical "explanation" of the unknown origins of the word. I'm pretty sure I'm dumber for having read this. May God have mercy on my soul.

Hillary Clinton Sweeps West Virginia , the headline read. Now, how many people actually live in West Virginia? Despite its wildness and wonderfulness, I doubt v. few live outside of Charleston (because it’s the capital) and Morgantown (because it's where the university is). So really, this means that Hillary Clinton sweeps those in Charleston or Morgantown, West Virginia, because everyone else is trapped in a mine and unable to get to the polls. Any even better headline would be “My coworkers saw Hillary Clinton the other day, but I saw a clown with a Cosi bag walking toward me (literally, a real clown with big floppy shoes and giant tie) as they were telling me the story of seeing Hillary Clinton, and real clown in real time trumps past politico sighting.”

Anyone who knows me knows my thoughts on Facebook. But these guys express it so much better and with a British accent. Brilliant. (Courtesy of J-dawg). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrlSkU0TFLs

My landlord = HUGE FRIGGIN IDIOT living sans water because of the above = new found appreciation for Modern Times W&M alumni event with cash bar = No way in hell Mary will be attending Deliberating not answering the question = you don’t know and I called you out by asking 3:30 PM Wednesday = brick wall Hobbit-sized food critic temp = A.N.N.O.Y.I.N.G Annie Leibovitz photo of Hannah Montana = Gollum from Lord of the Rings Seriously, compare this: http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2008/06/miley200806?currentPage=2 http://www.exploredesign.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/gollum.jpg

Everyone In The World upset about Myanmar; still unable to locate it on a map.

“It is truth universally acknowledged that some snowflakes are more unique than others, so it goes without saying that in an office of 14 there are two to three in the group entitled to sticking a giant brown bag of groceries in the company fridge. This bag, like the snowflake’s ego, leaves no room for the rest of us and our poor, sad, nonorganic lunches or half-full glasses of milk.”

Today I decided I will keep a running log of all the idiosyncrasies (read: mostly things that piss me off) in the hopes that it will help me to get over it quicker, and move on with my day. And as it is not even 10:30, and I have three things, I have a feeling I will be addding to this all day long... 2:00 PM Openly glare at toolbag on his cell phone in the elevator. Seriously dude. Even Jesus doesn't have any bars in the elevator. 12:58 PM Check my online statement for the zillionth time to see if I have been stimulated yet. 12:55 PM Distracted while walking to the kitchen by a laser pointer on my person and the wall behind me. Quickly identify the culprit and tell her: 1-if you were in elementary school, your ass would be expelled for that and 2-you should go play with that discreetly in the lobby when the TOBY inspectors come tomorrow. 11:00 AM Asked by the 4th person in my office where my sombrero is. Granted, I’m ridiculous and have a stronger-than-most affinity for wearing si

Tiny Archibald Keenan Abel Able Sean Marion Keenan Ebony Keenan Eggshell Keenan Robin’s Egg Blue Skippy Thaddeus Wayne (for obvious reasons) and, John It should be noted that all other male names are currently in use by one or more Wayans Brothers.