Load of Bollix

Goal setting: to not die this year. Is this specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-specific enough for you? Explanation: "Do not confuse circumnavigate with circumcise. They are two v. different things. Magellean did not circumsize the globe. That would have taken a much larger crew." Student work in the form of help wanted ad for explorers: "Must have knowledge of navigation using astrolabe and sextant. Must be a team player, have a mustache, and an extra pair of pants. Booty will be split among the crew." Whatevs. At least they put in the astrolabe and sextant. Observation: It would seem adults don't read directions because children don't read directions. I am making it my mission to have these GD kids read GD directions. Also: I'm getting married in less than two weeks. Holy. Effing. God. I'm insane.

Well I'm alive. But barely. Here's a run-down of my most recent week: 3 12-hour days "But Ms. Steinberg I can't think when my bladder is full!" winging the Neolithic Revolution, despite 3 12 hour days received 1 ad for hair braiding from one of my student's aunts, then told I would look good with dreds an apple and a handful of fritos = a lunch not much better than my students 900000000000 copies. And then some. student-created playlist for "Major Players in the Reformation" includes 50's "P.I.M.P" (aka my former ringtone) for Henry VIII, Eminem's "I'm not afraid" for Martin Luther and John Calvin (SOOO appropriate), Kanye's "Power" for Pope Leo X and Charles V, and "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz for Elizabeth ("because she never married"). How awesome is this??? and I still have not heard of the "Southern Ocean." Apparently elementary school teachers have invented a new oce

Now that I'm done with school (and there was much rejoicing) I get to spend all of my time worrying about a very different sort of school - high school. In an effort to stay sane and stay Mary, I am reworking this blog to be an outlet for me as I deal with the trials and tribulations of a first year teacher, who, by all accounts, looks about the same age as her students. In one week, I have: bounced between two schools and five classrooms explained what bollocks means and why its a great phrase to 5 groups of scowling adolescents learned close to 130 names, including that E___ likes to be called Zimbabwe (though he cannot point to Zimbabwe on the map), H___ responds to Juice, and B___ to Ochocinco. walked across 4 classrooms on my knuckles like an ape to demonstrate the awesomeness of bipedalism in human evolution already gotten sick told one student that if he wrote a letter to the British government saying that is is "lame" that they don't allow you to touch the st