The Importance of Proving Oscar Wilde Wrong

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his."
The Importance of Being Earnest

The following phone conversation is not embellished. It is real and just took place.

(Phone rings)
Hello?
Hi Mom.
Hi! What’s the matter?
Nothing.
Does your head hurt?
No.
Your head can hurt because of the barometric pressure.
My head doesn’t hurt, Mom.
Did you know that?
I don’t have a headache.
Oh. Well, I do. We are such creatures of the earth. What’s up?
I was just calling to see if you’d be around later. I need to bring Dad his birthday present.
Oh. I will be. I do want to go out and buy one of those things, you know, for directions, that you put in the car.
A GPS?
What are they called? They give you directions?
A GPS.
I’ve missed out on a few things because I’ve needed directions. So I think I’ll get one.
Jim’s Dad sent him one and we used it yesterday.
Have you ever used one?
Do you have any male or gender-neutral wrapping paper? I need to wrap Dad’s present and all I have is Christmas paper.
I’ll check.
I guess I could wrap it in Christmas paper, he’ll probably think that’s funny. Nevermind, Mom. Don’t bother. Mom? Mom are you still on the phone? (Mom has put down the cordless phone to go hunt for wrapping paper. Mom still operates under the mindset that a cordless phone has a cord and must be put down when you leave the room).
(2 minutes later)
Nope, no wrapping paper. How big is the present?
It’s small. I’ll just use Christmas paper Mom.
Is it like the size of a shirt box?
Mom, I’ll just use Christmas paper.
What time are you coming?
I don’t know, I'll leave in an hour? I don’t want to hold up your day. When are you going out to buy a GPS?
Well, I don’t know. I’m lying down because of this barometric pressure.

sic.

Comments

Anonymous said…
--earlier that day--
Mom-"I'm not right. I have a headache. I think its the barometric pressure."

Joe-"OK"

"Did you know that barometric pressure can give you a headache?"

"Sure"

"Did you know that?"

"Yes. Mom"

"Because I think thats why I have a headache. How do you feel? Circuit City has a GPS on sale."

"what kind?"

"Garmin"

"you should get it."

"No, I only want a good one. I heard Tom Tom is good"

"they all do the same thing mom"

"Yeah but want a good one, because I wont ever buy another one. I heard Garmin is good."

"I need to run errands now, mom"
August 17, 2008 at 1:58 PM
Unknown said…
Classic Pat. This made my day.

I came down (for the day) to go to baby Andrew's baptism yesterday and my dad sent me home to with his GPS. I feel this was a guilt present for deciding not to give me back "my car" now that I live in suburbia again. This is fine with me because it means the prospect of a new car in Jan. (hopefully a civic hybrid). End tangent. I've named the GPS Lilly and deemed it an excellent way to get in an accident.

Oh and the next time I'm in Dale City, you HAVE to come see my dad's cat. She's so fat she defies nature. She has cat rolls for god's sake~ Seriously she's like over 30 pounds (got to be). I find this both amusing and sad. Were P.J. a human she would be one of those people who has to be lifted by a crane. I have no idea what he's feeding her.

PS -I think the barometric pressure is also giving me a headache. Wait, maybe it's because I don't go to church ;o)
August 18, 2008 at 8:40 AM
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