Load of Bollix

Today we had a birthday party for my almost two-year old and he cried pretty much the entire time. It was just family but that didn’t seem to matter. I have this one sad picture from my mother-in-law, taken during a brief respite from the crying. My arm is sore from holding him. It’s 8 PM and it feels like 3 AM. The weird (or not weird? Because what is normal?) thing about my child is that he is totally fine with adults but freaks out around kids. He didn’t use to do this, but it’s obviously upsetting and makes me, at times, spiral into the parenting black hole of “OH MY GOD WHAT DID I DO WRONG?”.  We go to playgrounds. We go to stores. We went to a toddler art class for pete’s sake. He’s SMART. He speaks in complete sentences and his word du jour is “parallelogram.”  So what is going on? Is my child a super introvert? I’d say it’s likely. He’s got the genes of two introverted parents and doesn’t like loud kids. I’ve already began explaining to him that some kids are loud, and some kid

Dedicated to my Didgie. I love you to the moon and when the time comes, please put me in a good home. Chapter 1: Pregnancy Here is the breakdown: First few days: Happy excitement. After that through month four/five: Vomit zombie. One day in month five: “I feel like a person again. I can do this!” After that through month nine: WHALE. Chapter 2: Birth Horrifying. Chapter 3: Aftermath Also horrifying. My favorite was the nurse emptying my catheter while my entire family was crammed into my room. This is also when the Breastfeeding Army begins their onslaught. Hopefully you have a good partner who will tell them to **** off. Chapter 4: Coming home Post-partum sounds like post-mortem and it is not a coincidence. It’s a good thing I took a parenting class because it was helpful as bollocks. Also, I get my period back super-fast and thought I was bleeding to death. It’s funny now, but at the time I was straight-up hyperventilating and realized maybe I need some Zo

Do you remember Instant Messenger? It was how we wasted time online before we REALLY started wasting time online like we’re doing RIGHT NOW. In college, it was a great way to post the Greek letters of your sorority and make people wonder (ENVY) how cool you were by being away and inactive for so long. I used to change my away messages on Instant Messenger ALL THE TIME because I was that good at wasting time. Though IM is long gone (I think?), I often think of things I WOULD post as an away message, if it were still around (it is gone, right?). Maybe these are the sort of things people tweet now, but if you think I’m going to start tweeting you can go jump off a bridge. So here are just a few from the last day or so: *** -Should I just buy a scrunchie already? Jill Biden wears them and she’s like 80. *** -Jim and I’s 13ish year relationship can be summed up in the following very short exchange that takes place most mornings: J: Did you hear the rain/wind/thunder/car alarm/fi