Public School Got Ya Down?
Posts
The Berlin Wall is More Interesting than your Baby.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. In exasperation and disgust, I have deactivated my account at least three times. Each time I’m lured back by the fact that if one wants to know anything about anyone in their life in the 21 st century, you must be on it. At any rate, each time I come back to Facebook, I whittle down my friend list even more. This has ensured that I will no longer be greeted by pictures of old boyfriends’ spawn, vacation pictures belonging to coworkers I haven’t seen in years, and, my personal favorite, the placenta of a girl I never even liked in high school. If that last one made you say “What the fuck?!!?” in your head or (even better) out loud, that’s a Good Thing because it means you have a shred of decency and appropriateness. So yet again, I’m back on “the Book”, and back to my love/hate relationship with it. Now that I’m 30, Facebook has taken on a new role: it is the conduit through which everyone I ever knew posts infinite numbers of pict
Short Lists: Fourth in a Series
Things I learned at the lady doctor: 1-If you are thinking about becoming pregnant, you should not do drugs. Thanks waiting room educational posters. 2-There are new guidelines on healthy people going to the lady doctor. This means I won't be back to the lady doctor for 5 years. Rock on. 3-The sight of a pregnant belly makes me grimace. #heartless 4-Don't mess with the models of lady bits. The doctor may come in while you are trying to figure out what's what.
Short lists: Third in a Series
Things that fluctuate daily 1-my weight 2-my feelings on artificial sweetener 3-my total number of friends on facebook
Short Lists: Second in a Series
Things I don't do consistently, and when I do them, I don't do them well: 1. Shave legs 2. Weed flower bed 3. Weed-whack 4. Clean house
What is causing Margaret Thatcher's anxiety issues?
Yesterday the vet diagnosed my sweet, slightly chubby cat with anxiety issues. This came as a shock since "Mags" very possibly leads the cushiest life of any animal in existence. Jim had trouble accepting this diagnosis, claiming that "Nothing is wrong with this cat. She's a moron." Whether anxiety or moronity are to blame, the cat is biting off chunks of fur on her back, wrecking in two weeks time my dreams of having her become a cat model. Damnit. So here I sit, spending my summer vacation in a room with a $50 cat pheromone diffuser plugged in to the wall. This contraption is very akin to a Glade Plug-In, only it emits odorless cat hormones in to the air to calm the cat down. If it sounds ridiculous, all I can say is that it was made in Canada. In the meantime, the only thing to do is sit back, bask in the feline pheromones, and figure out what could possibly be stressing out this spoiled cat.
Short Lists: First in a Series
Why I don't have kids 1-I have never walked on a glacier 2-I enjoy taking long naps myself 3-I have never been to Barcelona 4-I have never been to Florence 5-I still don't technically know what a birth canal is. Is this just another term for something already there? #sexedfail #catholicupbringing 6-My cat has already been diagnosed with anxiety issues. I mean, just look at her. Clearly this cat leads a tough life. I shudder to think what she'd do if there was actually something stressful in the house. 7-I have never been to Hawaii. 8-20 minutes of "Call the Midwife" and I nearly retched. See #5. 9-I teach teenagers. I know what happens 15+ years later. It ain't pretty and it def. doesn't smell good. and 10-Because "everyone else is doing it"; "you're 30"; and "you're married" aren't good enough reasons for sh*t of this magnitude.
How I am coping with the inevitable return to school
I have spent the entire day in a state of massive depression as I have to go back to school tomorrow. The thought fills me with such dread that I have literally been bummed out all day. Nothing good happens the day after New Years. Bah humbug, indeed.