Dude, where’s my political efficacy?

When the best our fine commonwealth can produce is a misogynist who went to Liberty and a man who sounds like Glen Quagmire, all we can do is write in. So who am I writing in?


Jon Gosselin: Someone throw this guy a bone. The man has more children than some states have electoral votes and must now rely on his termagant ex-wife to exploit them on TV all by herself. But do I really want my governor to wear so much Ed Hardy?


Suleiman the Magnificent: This dude has initiative. The only con I think of is that his conquests were checked at the Siege of Vienna in 1529. Oh, and he’s dead.


Oprah: Because being the governor of VA is all that’s stopping her from world domination.


Jennifer Aniston: She’s always in the news for being divorced from Brad Pitt and being a painfully mediocre actress. At least this way her being in the news would be justified.


Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson: He’d totally kick the shit out of our recession.


Your Mom: Because it’s still a funny response, even though I’m now closer to 30 than 20.

Comments

Jim said…
Nice use of "termagant."

Of your five choices, I'd go with the Rock. Not just because he's alive, but also because he's the opposite of Oprah. And maybe he could rock-bottom other governors from nearby states.
November 3, 2009 at 5:09 PM
Naturally Beautiful Me said…
i second the rock...it was clearly the only choice that would be a winner...or wasn't dead
November 4, 2009 at 2:27 PM
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