Load of Bollix

 

"The thought of me sitting in the center of a circle having to talk about my wedding and open a bunch of kitchen crap I don't need makes me nauseous. Also, everyone will be like, Oooo , what are you doing with yourself? What are you wedding colors? And I'll have to answer: 'I'm not working. I'm taking grad classes I dislike muchly , and I send out resumes knowing no one will talk to me for at least a month in the best case scenario and eat raisin bran from the box.' Or just punch them in the face. I'd like to avoid that scenario if at all possible." -on wedding showers, 5.26.10

Oh my god Ms. Steinberg I need to go to the bathroom to wash Trent’s blood off of me. You better not be texting unless you are texting someone the 5 steps in the law-making process. Best off-color example: Student: What does probable cause mean? Me: It’s like, if you accused Richard of killing Diego, you better have some reason to think he actually did it. Student: You mean, like proof? Me: Yea, that’s a much better way to say what I said in one word. Me: Who is the governor of Virginia? Student: Bill O’Reilly! Me: Close. Student: How old are you? Me: How old do you think I am? Student: 21. Me: I am 45 years old. Student: No way. Me: Way. Why do you want to be a teacher? Teachers don’t make any money. You should be an IT tech person. My binder smells like a hot dog. (Five minutes later, Bailey pulls a hot dog out of his binder and throws it away). Me: What does you bracelet say? Student: Boobies. Me: Nice. We rocked so hard that we went back all the...

The following is a faux "op-ed" I had to write for a GW graduate education class. This concerns the incessant bitching and moaning I've heard from Fairfax County teachers in my last few weeks as a "teacher intern" (powerless faux teacher) in a not-your-typical Fairfax County Middle School concerning salary freezes for the second year in a row. It is the trend in this day and age to take about exorbitant sums of money like it means nothing at all. Our government shelled out $700 billion in the Troubled Asset Relief Program launched last fall. Fairfax County Public Schools face a $200 million deficit in their much-demonized FY 2011 budget. Perhaps the world around me has gone mad: I’m still pissed that I have to shell out $30 (a mere zero) as a cover charge to go to a bachelorette party this weekend (where we will, no doubt, discuss the conundrums facing Fairfax County schools and Wall Street at length).* Educating every single child in a county is expensive...

In general, I'm uncomfortable when any cabinet secretary is the doppelganger of Janosh from Ghostbusters II . Let's just hope there isn't a giant painting of Viego the Carpathian hanging in Timothy Geithner's office or the shit is going to hit the DC fan in a major way, soon.