Load of Bollix

Because if you don’t, I’m just going to keep diagnosing myself with outrageously stupid and improbable diseases, such as: Lupus-I don’t even know what this is. I found a lump on my neck and decided it was lupus. Lupus just sort of sounds like a disease that would cause a bumpy neck. Toxic shock syndrome- I was convinced I had days to live after accepting a tampon from a stranger at a Macaroni Grill somewhere in North Carolina. Crohn ’s disease-I think Wyoming just doesn ’t have great produce. Fear of my fly being down-How do they have a name for a fear of peanut butter but not this? I swear it’s real, and I suffer from it. Social Anxiety Disorder-daily. Tramel confirmed this with her Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition ( DSM -IV), so this is legit. Trisomy X (also known as having three vs. two X chromosomes)-freshman year of William and Mary. I’m phenotypically normal and would be happy to believe that I demonstrate a slight statistical knockdown in...

The author would like to thank the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, as this post never would have happened without the poor judgment of its store. The author would also like to thank her likeminded friends, as this list is inspired by and borrows from the cleverness of their “WTF” reactions to the nonsense on your left. This list is illustrative and not exhaustive. Any resemblance to onesies actually found on a baby, human or otherwise, is purely coincidental. 1. Blame the alcohol 2. Neither mommy nor daddy *really* wanted me 3. Change in birth control 4. Ploy to get daddy to marry mommy 5. Attempt to find one person to love mommy unconditionally (Note: this is why I want a pet. Is that bad?) 6. $3,500 tax credit 7. This onesie cost more than a condom would have 8. Can you tell the difference between me and my unplanned sibling? 9. The result of an especially potent sext 10. You’re never too young to be your parents’ sounding board