Hey, at least I know I’m free
But I’m not sure I’d die to save the man who gave that right to me. He was probably a slave owner, wife-beater, or worse, had bad teeth. Nevertheless, as we celebrate Memorial Day, I’d like to pause and think about (list) all the reasons that make American great. 1. Corn on the cob. 2. Pie. Can’t get more American, bitchez. 3. Categorical representation. Note: They also have this in Europe. 4. Netflix. Note: To my knowledge, they do not have this in Europe. 5. Barbeques. 6. Fireworks. Everyone knows America invented these, just like we invented footlong sandwiches. What other fat-ass culture would come up with that? 7. Bumper stickers that make us all unique and clever. 8. Blogs that make us all unique and clever. Instant rim shot . 9. Patriotism. No other country has it. They all covet it. 10. The Onion . Far and away, the greatest stuff on Earth. F*ck snapple.
